


What Was Lost Cannot Be Found

by tsheps



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Ex Sex, F/F, Relationship(s), Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-04
Updated: 2015-02-04
Packaged: 2018-03-10 13:03:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3291302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsheps/pseuds/tsheps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love never really dies, no matter how much you want it to.</p>
<p>Just some good old fashioned violence leading to ex-sex for Fem Shep and Liara.  Everyone needs a little angsty smut in their lives!</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Was Lost Cannot Be Found

Commander Jane Shepard watched as the bullet from her M-15 Vindicator tore through the skull of the Cerberus combat engineer. He had chosen to type a last command into the metal pack he had placed on the ground instead of defending himself, and blood sprayed from the back of his wasted head as a result. Too late Jane noticed the metal contraption unpacking itself, a yellow indicator light flashing above the large gun barrel. She had miscalculated, and now she was completely exposed. She imagined the torrent of bullets ripping through her shields and then through her armor and then through her body. Cerberus had rebuilt her and now they were going to tear her apart again. Ironic.

There was a shout from her left, “Turret!” It was Garrus, but his voice came from well off. Too far off. The first bullets began to fly, and there was a flash of blue and white over her right shoulder. All the air was knocked from her body as Liara slammed into her, knocking her off her feet. Liara landed on top of her and her assault rifle went spinning off into the pile of rubble behind her. Shepard’s eyes were closed tight, expecting to feel her flesh tearing apart. The rattling of bullets continued, but she felt no pain.

She opened her eyes and saw, over Liara’s head which was buried in her shoulder, that they had landed behind a low concrete wall. The bullets were slamming into the wall, and chips of hot concrete were falling all around them like confetti. Dust from pulverized stone was heavy in the air. There was a loud pop from the turret as Garrus overloaded its shields.

Liara took two deep breaths and then raised herself onto her knees. She was straddling Shepard’s hips and her heavy pistol was blasting, the heat indicator racing towards critical. The kickback from the gun was causing Liara’s hips to buck on hers, and there was a very strong response from Shepard’s loins at the movement. She stared at Liara’s face contorted in concentration, sweat running along the ridges of her crest and bullets pinging off her shields. Just as Liara fired the last bullet and her pistol started to bark in protest from overheating, the turret exploded, sending a wave of burnt metal smell towards them.

Liara panted for a moment, staring at the spot the turret had been. Then she ejected the spent thermal clip and turned her blazing eyes on Shepard, who was still pinned beneath her body. Shepard found that she had been holding her breath, and her lungs screamed for air. She took one shaky breath, her gaze locked onto Liara’s. The asari took one hand from her pistol and wrapped her long, gloved fingers around the rim of armor at Shepard’s neck. She yanked the woman up and slammed their lips together in a fierce, bruising kiss. The hand still holding her pistol went to the back of Shepard’s head and pushed their faces even closer.

Despite herself, Shepard wrapped her hands around Liara’s waist and kissed back desperately. This was the first kiss between them since the awkward half embrace in Liara’s office on Illium. They had been lovers on the first Normandy, had held each other before Ilos and so many times after. Then Shepard had died and Liara had built a new life for herself. One that the asari made evident Jane was not going to be a part of. There had been bitter words during a couple of meetings on Hagalaz, and then there had been the awkwardness of Mars. Shepard had wanted a relationship, but Liara would insist on calling them friends and keeping Shepard at arm’s length.

So then Samantha Traynor had wanted to use her shower, and one thing led to another. Things with Liara became even more strained, as if Shepard had not tried and been rebuffed time and time again. But now Liara’s lips were on hers and their tongues were dancing and Shepard wanted her, had always wanted her. They broke apart, and Liara held her at arm’s length again, only this time literally, as she caught her breath. Her eyes though, those deep, seductive eyes were turning black and there was no denying the evidence of what she wanted.

“All clear!” Garrus’s voice barked from across the courtyard.

Liara looked at her with fire in her eyes, and she stood. Shepard struggled to her feet, her legs wobbly from the fight and from the kiss. She retrieved her rifle as Cortez told them that the citizens of Benning were safe. There were no words exchanged on the shuttle as they evacuated. Liara was the first off the shuttle, and Shepard followed a few steps behind. Liara slammed her pistol down on the weapons bench without breaking stride on her way to the elevator. Shepard discarded her rifle there as well and followed after. Garrus was chatting with Cortez, so the elevator doors hissed shut with only the two of them inside.

As Liara hit a button, Shepard said in an uncertain voice, “Liara…”

Before she could decide what to say next, Liara had slammed her against the elevator wall and was kissing her again. She closed her eyes and melted into the blue lips on hers. Liara ripped the chest plate off of her and flung it to the ground. Her shoulder plates and arm plates and gloves came next. Shepard allowed herself to be undressed, only trying to make sure their mouths were apart for as little time as possible. She unbuckled Liara’s dust and sweat stained coat and dropped it to the ground with the discarded pieces of her armor. Her hands were all over the asari, finding those familiar curves that she had missed so desperately.

When Shepard was wearing nothing but her compression suit and Liara was topless, she pulled their bodies together. She groaned into Liara’s mouth as a strong thigh, much more toned when they had first met, found its way between her legs. The friction was enough to empty her mind. A hunger that had nothing to do with food found its way into the pit of her stomach and she whispered, in a very different way than earlier, “Liara…”

The asari whimpered as the commander’s hand found her naked breast. The nipple was hard as diamond in the cold, filtered air of the elevator. Shepard’s nimble fingers teased and tweaked the bud, and Liara gripped hard at her shoulders. Then she ripped Shepard’s shirt and sports bra off with one swift movement and her mouth was around Shepard’s nipple.

“Fuck, Liara!”

Teeth grazed over her and she yelled again, the pleasure making her mind buzz and her skin tingle. Just then the door hissed open at the private entryway of her cabin. Liara released her nipple with a pop and pulled Shepard by the back of her neck out of the elevator. Shepard stumbled in bare feet on the rubberized metal floor, but Liara caught her by the hips and used the opportunity to ruck off her pants and dripping underwear. The cold air hit her naked core and she groaned, needing to feel Liara against her again. She tore at Liara’s belt and within moments they were kissing again, this time both of them completely naked.

Both women let their hands roam over the once familiar body of the other. Shepard was backing towards the door of her cabin, pulling Liara with her. The asari, however, was uninterested in relinquishing control of the encounter. She shifted her weight and slipped a leg behind Shepard’s ankles. Then she pushed gently on the commander’s shoulders, causing her to lose her balance and fall backwards. Liara caught her and eased her to the ground before slamming herself down on her knees, straddling the commander’s face. She fisted her hand in the commander’s short red hair.

Shepard did not need any more invitation. She happily raised her mouth to the asari’s wet folds and licked with broad strokes, enjoying the frustrated moans she was eliciting from the lack of firm pressure. She darted her tongue into Liara, past the tight ring of muscle, and was rewarded with a gasp that may or may not have included her name. The thighs beside her ears flexed, but Liara remembered in time not to squeeze around the commander’s head.

Shepard grinned and wrapped her arms around Liara’s hips from where they were pinned behind her. She used her clever fingers to spread Liara’s lips and expose her clit. Shepard remembered all too well how sensitive Liara was there, and she began to stroke her tongue along the little bud. Liara subconsciously dropped her hips, forcing herself harder into Shepard’s mouth. Her fingers tightened in Shepard’s hair as the woman licked and swirled and teased and occasionally nibbled. It wasn’t long before she started rocking her hips, and Shepard’s tongue matched her rhythm.

“Oh goddess, oh Shepard… embrace…”

She didn’t get the whole request out before her mind slammed into Shepard’s with dizzying force. There was a shell of desire and need, but it only thinly covered a seething ball of emotion. She was thick with regret and pain, memories of Shepard’s death swirled with the sickening realization of Shepard’s relationship with Traynor. There was a yawning pit of sadness and loneliness. Those all covered the blissful memories of their lovemaking before Ilos. The teasing mornings after the defeat of Saren. The swell of what was unmistakably love. Before Shepard could sort through it all, Liara climaxed with a howl of bittersweet pleasure. Sticky warmth covered Shepard’s chin, and she continued her rhythm, wanting so much more.

Liara’s second orgasm came with a whimper of exhaustion, but was no less intense. She bent over, her hands holding herself up as she gasped for breath. She seemed to realize, as she caught her breath, how much she had shown to Shepard in her mind, and she retracted from the meld with a snap that made Shepard’s vision go black with pain. Shepard must have made a noise of some kind, because Liara whipped her leg around, releasing her. She reached a concerned hand down to the commander’s face, and cupped her cheek until Shepard opened her eyes.

The emotion Shepard saw in her gaze was equal parts regret and relief. She held the commander’s gaze for only a moment, and then moved in a blur to position the length of her body above Shepard. Perhaps she decided that sex was easier than feelings, or perhaps she merely wanted to return the favor. In any case, she remembered what Shepard liked best. She pushed her leg in between the other woman’s, pressing her upper thigh hard against Shepard’s throbbing clit, and began to rock against her. Shepard’s head went back, and her hips arched up into her. She matched Liara’s rhythm and wrapped one long leg around the asari’s hips. She began to moan after only a few moments, and she came hard and fast on Liara’s leg. She cursed and begged and Liara kept going, pressing harder and harder into her. She screamed again and the throbbing between her legs seemed to only increase with each orgasm.

As she approached her third climax, Liara melded with her again. This time the asari’s thoughts were better controlled, and she gave very little. Shepard was unable to block her from seeing how much it had hurt when Liara had rejected her on Illium. Liara saw all the times that Shepard had stared at her picture as she masturbated and screamed in frustration on the new Normandy. Shepard was only just able to block the memories of the one night she had spent with Sam, but Liara pointedly avoided that anyway. The pulsing love she had for Liara almost since the moment the quiet, unsure archaeologist had boarded her ship was the predominant emotion. It was only slightly curled around the edges by the pain of Liara’s disinterest.

When Shepard came for a third time, Liara orgasmed along with her. The friction of their bodies and the intimacy of their minds combining to hurl them over the cliff together. Their bodies stilled, entwined in each other, sweat and grime from the battlefield mixed with the fluids they had spilled together on their bodies.

Hesitantly, Shepard whispered across the meld, _“Liara, my love. Stay with me.”_

Liara’s mind pulled back as quickly as it had before, and her body shot off of Shepard’s like she had been electrified. Shepard sat up, a sigh of exasperation escaping her lips, “Liara.”

“Don’t, Shepard. I…”

Shepard stood. Liara was searching through their discarded clothing for her pants. She moved toward the closed door of the elevator. Shepard followed, a few steps behind, “Damn it, Liara! Talk to me!”

Liara threw aside a sock that could have belonged to either of them, and barked in frustration, “Where are the rest of our clothes?”

She was answered by the arrival of the elevator. The door hissed open. Samantha Traynor was standing inside, staring at the floor around her in disbelief. In one hand she held Shepard’s chest plate, the N7 logo smeared with blood and concrete dust. In the other hand she held Liara’s coat. Shepard and Liara stood, completely naked, and looked at her. Traynor raised her eyes, and they were full of tears even before she saw the two figures before her. The fact of their nakedness was damning, to be sure, but the evidence of their encounter covered both women. It would take a very great fool to not realize what had just transpired between the two of them, and Samantha was no fool.

Her face contorted in rage as she shifted her gaze from the lithe blue form to the blushing face of her commander and lover. Her breathing was deep and ragged with suppressed rage and humiliation. Tears fell silently from her eyes, taking traces of mascara which stained her caramel colored cheeks.

“Sam…” Shepard spoke softly, trying to soothe, but there was nothing more she could say than the woman’s name. She had enjoyed their night together. She liked Sam. But Liara was so much more to her. As she thought about it, this moment was inevitable. She should never have gone to bed with Sam, she knew now. She could only ever hurt the woman.

Perhaps Samantha had wanted to hear an explanation or a denial. She had most likely wanted to hear something, anything to give a name to the anger and pain in the pit of her stomach that threatened to swallow her whole. She knew, somehow, that she would receive nothing more. She threw the coat at Liara’s feet without sparing her a look or a thought. The asari remained perfectly still, waiting for what was coming next.

Shepard opened her mouth again, though she had no words to give. Samantha saved her from having to fill the moment. She made a noise that was feral. It was a guttural scream that had no words and barely any form. She hurled the chest plate at Shepard and slammed her hand into a button on the elevator. With reflexes born from innumerable battles, Shepard caught the armor before it broke her nose. She lowered it in time to see the elevator door close. She turned her gaze to Liara, who would not look at her. The fact of what she had done came crashing home to Shepard, and she felt sick. Not at having lost Samantha, but at having touched her in the first place. Nothing could have illustrated her betrayal of Liara more than the exchange she just saw.

Liara bent to pick up her pants, and shoved a leg through them. She wanted to dress as quickly as possible so that she could disappear from this moment and pretend that it had not happened.

“Liara…”

She ignored Shepard. She should have ignored her on Benning. She should have destroyed the turret with a warp and never laid a hand on the woman. She had known, the moment that their bodies had touched, that she could not help herself. She had felt her hips buck on Shepard’s as she fired that pistol and the memories of more pleasant times had nearly made her come undone right there in the middle of battle. She had looked down into Shepard’s eyes and seen the same need. But it was a memory that she loved. A shadow. A moment frozen in amber. A snowflake that had melted so long ago. What they had they could never have again, no matter how much their bodies sang to each other.

Shepard threw the chest plate down with a bang like a grenade and Liara froze as she shouted, “God damn it, Liara! Look at me!”

Liara pulled up her pants and let her eyes travel over every inch of Jane’s body before they went to her eyes. It was a body she would always want, but she would never see again. She wanted to etch the sight onto the flesh of her mind. Her gaze finished its journey and she saw tears sparkling in those shockingly green eyes.

“I love you, Liara.”

The words cut into her, but she had to be strong now. She shrugged into her jacket, and pulled the fabric tight around her, hoping to cover enough of her breasts until she could get back into the elevator and collect her vest. As if in answer to her prayers, the elevator door hissed open. It was mercifully empty. She released Shepard’s gaze, walked in, and hit the button for the crew deck.

She kept her back to Shepard and said, “I know.”


End file.
